I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
