The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
