dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
