So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
this hospital has no fireball
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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