i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
did you just send me my own nude
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
