HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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