I wish I could teleport
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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