Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
