Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
