I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
