I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
