That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
