Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
