I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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