She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
