I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
