We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
