OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
