I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
