Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
