Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
