I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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