i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
