Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
