Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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