i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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