I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you traded sex for a burrito?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
