i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
