Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
