u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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