im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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