i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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