Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
