you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
