But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
