After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
