i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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