my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
