I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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