I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
