god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
