I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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