Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
