so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
