Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
