This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
