is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
