I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
