i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
