I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
