I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
