bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
