So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
