my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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